random

CAUTION!! emo post ahead.....

i dunno why i'm feeling like this these few days. its just a rush of alot alot of feelings. all at once. and i dunno wat to do with them. have u guys felt scared growing up? not as in getting a job and stuff like that, but just growing up. becoming an adult. ADULT. such a big word. to me that is. i remember when i was like 10 or 11, i used to think of growing up and start crying. just like that. my biggest fear back then was becoming an adult. as i grew older that fear went away. each year was planned out. after std 5 i go to std 6. after form 4 i go to form 5. nothing scary bout that.

but then recently, that fear came back again. i'm really growing up now. i'm a college student. it seems like just yesterday i was sitting in my daddy's sarong, telling him that i cant wait to be a TEENager. cant wait to go to college. cant wait to be 'cool'. well, here i am now. how i wish i was back in my daddy's sarong. everything was so much simpler.

its not really the fear of going to uni and getting a job. its being an adult.i know i'm not making any sense. its the fear of meeting new people everyday. the fear of being in a whole new family. the fear of losing my old family. the fear of greater responsibility. the fear of not being able to handle it all. the fear of losing my parents. the fear of losing my brother. the fear of losing childhood friends.

it just suddenly hit me that i'm stepping into the real world soon. i'm already halfway there. i dunno where i'll be after college. i might be on my own somewhere far far away. its not so bad now. i know i complain alot bout my family treating me like i'm still a child. not taking me seriously. not giving me the freedom i THINK i deserve. but deep deep down, i'm glad they're still doing that. it makes me feel not so scared. i know that they're still looking out for me and they'll be here for me. but bit by bit i can see them treating me like an adult. part of me is really happy. another part wishes they'd stop.

i wish babies will stay babies. kids stay kids. teenagers stay teenagers. parents stay parents. grandparents stay grandparents. cheng stephanie stays cheng stephanie.