the main question that sparked this whole thing off is .. "Who should I really call when Im dying?" - I asked
Tinesh laughed from the driver seat the way he usually does but deep down he gave a quick thought as well . He then replied me .. "call your parents" with a look on his face I totally understand and he knew I did.
He then said.. you know you should call your parents right .
I replied .. not only I know . It seems to be my only choice now
*the conversation continues .. be aware that some of the comments are harsh but some of you isn't any less compared to me . not trying to gain any sympathy . just wanna express this the way I used to do . but also take note that some are jokes that our gang usually share and laugh off among ourselves . Also .. throughout this whole conversation .. Tinesh was laughing his ass off.
then I said .. "If I dont call my parents, is there any hope in calling you guys? "[seriously hoping for any tiny chances]
even Tinesh replied himself .. "seriously . I dont think you can get through us" . and he added on comments that I usually say .. " If you call Josh, probably his mom will pick up and say that he's playing football", "Steph rarely picks up calls and replies message nowadays right? its my fault","Ian is in UK, you can call him but whats the point, you're dying", "Saara .....[long pause]... I think he's really afraid to pick up your call", "Aaron..I dunno" ,"and KenNie, you can try give him a call".
and I ended it .. " I can't call you as well, when you pick up, I'll be dead already!" we both laughed at it.
--
well if you remember the times that we had as a gang .. this is a typical joke-like conversation we always have wherever we go . In the car to the mall, during trips, dinner time etc.
But as time passes by .. it seems to be coming true . maybe only to me . or 50% to you? I dunno .
*the more I write, the more I feel I should be telling the truth .. so here goes . It might be harsh but some I just wanna patch things up the way it used to be . some of you might have already found comfort in new friends, some thinks Im just going through this period of life, some decide not to accept it, some is just to busy earning money and only have time for self-pleasure and some others . I find comfort in our friends who still stay through times [minus talking bad about those not with us] but I hope we can still be able to do things the way we used to or at least once before I go overseas . If you decide this is offensive, there's nothing I can really do about it .. I lowered the the level of offensiveness already . If you decide what I suggest or said is wrong and decide to go against it . I cant do anything about it as well .*
Aaron - You mentioned that you dont feel like you're apart of the gang only until you pay back my debts . honestly though, it seems like you're able to pay back but rather it was spent somewhere else? so is the money an excuse? .. I've been saying I just want you back in the gang over and over again . even sometimes with disagreement of others .. I really want you to just hangout back like normal [though it takes time to rid the awkwardness we've built through time] . I dunno if its too late now, if I were to go overseas .. my wish is still the same but its up to you what your choice is .
Josh - In recent years, I find myself being more proud of you . mainly of your initiative in hanging out with us [minus the part where you dont join us cause you dont eat many types of food!] . I still find you annoying me the way you used to but it wouldn't be Josh if you dont do those sort of things.
Ken Nie - I glad you're part of us now . or who should I be calling now? stay away from conflict and be yourself :] . love SNSD more!
Lan - can you please dont shock me suddenly! inform me of new "things" before I actually see them myself! and come back fast!
Saara - you can just keep avoiding my calls and avoiding meeting up . apparently ONLY MY phone calls your phone cant accept . they say you're afraid of me .. a muscle man like you . its not something Im proud of .. cause on the other hand, you could just be telling people .. you're not scared, just annoyed by me . either way, I wished you just pick up calls, call me back like you said you would and just spend a little more time with us . I know I should be saying, I would be happy even if we just hangout once or twice but NO . I wished we hangout more . I miss the Saara I used to hangout with . and the friend who used to look after me . now when we meet up . we're a little like strangers . please dont treat me like a fool as if I dunno things you tried to bullshit me with . I overlook it . just come back
Stephy - I shouldn't be saying things as directly as it is to a girl . I'll try my best to put it in a right manner . First of all .. Tinesh is really sorry for what he said to you . he wanna personally apologize to you . I wished you'd meet up with us now . as in NOW . because the longer our meetup is .. it feels like we're just further apart and more awkward . what happened to "us" and the spirit of our gang? I know the feeling of 'not feeling like socializing' but this is our gang we're talking about . it really seems like you gave up on us . the more answer we cant get from you . Tinesh blames himself more . I can deny him once . twice . thrice . but it seems like slowly .. Im believing its really his fault .
dont stop telling me stuff . dont stop msging me . dont stop picking up my calls . because if you do . similarly .. it will get to my mind that you're planning to leave?
Sarah & Joelyn - I havent talked to you both much . I know both of you may have a fair share in the pressures of life . I used to see you both like the peacemaker of our gang . timid ones but good enough to make us all happy as a "family" . now I wished you girls can spread some magic powder and make us stick back as a family .
Tinesh - you spent alot of time with me and the remaining 'hangout' gang members and Im thankful for it . we point out things to each other and learn from each other . I've said what I need to .. directly to you . so all I'll say here is that .. please listen!
--
its a long one . its all honest with my emotions . if at any point you decide to take it the wrong way .. and hate me . I cant do anything about it . you all know me and how I usually say things . those who will stick with the gang is doing so . those who fell out.. Im pointing out and wished it'll all come back . honestly . we dont have much time . maybe just me . Im planning to go overseas in a couple of months time . some might leave later . so you all decide what we should do?
PS - there is a trip to Sitiawan we're planning to . early June .
Tingy :]
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